Nick Burns on the Battle Field 

Maybe you don't remember the Jimmy Fallon character on SNL called Nick Burns - Your Company's Computer Guy. My sister Sarah said that every time she saw those skits she was reminded of me. I understand why, I work with computers for a living and my name is Nick... but I was still sort of insulted, because I am not like him at all.

Still... when I saw this story about battle field tech support, I was instantly reminded of those skits.

Not that the Army is asking these techies for tips on how to rid its inboxes of spam or advice on how to uninstall spyware.

The stakes are much higher here, with troops asking about the structural integrity of bridges, roads, dams and airfields: Can this structure be safely used after sustaining damage from bombings? If it happens to be booby-trapped, what sort of damage would be sustained if we inadvertently detonate the bomb? Can we land a plane here and be sure we can quickly get it off the ground again? Is there a way we can quickly build our own bridge, road, dam or landing strip?

"This is the hardest technical-support job in the world," said Col. James R. Rowan, ERDC's commander. "Lives are almost always at stake when we get a call from the battlefield.

Hopefully they're tech support isn't anything like the company tech support I have to deal with at my current client:

Tech. Support: Thank you for calling Army Technical Support. For English, please press 1. Para Español, presione dos por favor.
Soldier: Crap - I have to press numbers? *1*
Tech. Support: For general computer problems, please press 1. To order replacement parts for your Apache Attack Helicopter, please press 2. To request a tow for your M1-A2 tank, please press 3. For immediate battlefield support, please press 4.
Soldier: Jesus... why is the one I need always last? *4*
Tech. Support: Please enter your 16 digit Army serial number followed by the pound key.
Solder: Aggghhhhh.
Tech. Support: Please hold for the next available battlefield technical support representative. Your call is very important to us.

Oh... and you're welcome.