Chilling in the Country 

Yesterday was pretty relaxing. Went down to my Aunt and Uncle's with my Mom in "the country" and just did some grilling. My Uncle and I sat around, talked family dirt (of which there is always some) and downed some beers. For those of you who don't know, I prefer Leinenkugel's Red if you're buying. Not only is their Red excellent, but they also make a good Honey Weiss, and Amber Light if you happen to see it around. Their Creamy Dark Lager is also very good (although they only make it about 6 months a year), and will definitely put hair on your chest... members of the better sex beware. Leine's as it is affectionately known is a local micro brewery in Wisconsin, and you can find it pretty much throughout the Midwest. If you can find it in other parts of the country, I'd be curious.

As far as family dirt goes... I pretty much know it all. Why is that you ask? Well, for reasons that I won't discuss here in detail, I'm the one that everybody talks. My sisters for instance at various times have been on the outs with each other, but for some reason they're never on the outs with me. Maybe it's because we have a nice 2000 mile buffer zone between us. Maybe it's because I'm the really logical one, and also listen very well. I do make an excellent sounding board. Maybe it's because I'm so cool, and they all love me so much. Yeah, that's got to be it.

Of course when I share the dirt with my Uncle for instance I have to be extremely careful. I can only talk in real vague terms, or talk about things that are already common knowledge amongst most of the family, but that he just doesn't know. Sometimes the whole process makes me feel like a banker. My sisters and I each maintain "vaults" for each other. Of course, I have to maintain several vaults, with hidden compartments in each one and all sorts of different keys. For instance, one sister tells me one thing, and another sister knows about it too, but she can't know that I know... you know? But sometimes they are allowed to know that I know, so then I can discuss it with them too. Other times, I know and nobody else knows. In that case, we're talking barking dogs, armed guards with assault rifles... you get the picture. You have to be very mentally acute, always alert, and always remembering lest you let something slip that you're not allowed to tell. Because as soon as that happens (and thankfully it hasn't happened yet), you become the one that can't keep a secret. Then it's like 1929 and the stock market crashed. All your customers will suddenly make a run on the bank, take everything out of your vaults, and never invest in you again.

On the lighter side of things, my Uncle made "drunken chickens" on the grill. If you're not familiar, this is where you stick a beer can up a chicken's ass, stand it up on the grill, and cook on low heat for about an hour and a half. The beer keeps it nice and moist, and pretty flavorful. The only real problem with it, is that you have to drink about a quarter of the can before you *insert* it up the chicken, otherwise the beer boils over and you have a real mess. Obviously drinking more beer is a real hassle... damn it. So while I was standing around the grill (or alter of fire if you will) with my Uncle, I noticed the following warning on the front:

Caution: Barbecue is hot when in use.

You're kidding me right? Have we honestly become that kind of society? Are people in general that stupid? If I touched the side of a grill when it was turned on, and burned myself I wouldn't sue. Personally I'd be too embarrassed to admit it. Maybe I'm just not the type of person to sue over stuff that is truly an accident.

On the lighter side of things, I'm sitting at Starbucks enjoying some coffee. There is a couple in line right now, he looks to be about 70, she looks to be about 35, and he's got his hand on her ass feeling her up pretty good. I hope to be like that when I'm 70. Actually I wouldn't mind having a women who's ass I could be feeling up right now myself.